By Rianne Lim
Today, I’m happily married for four years to the woman I can’t live without. Friends, it’s been four good years. I have been contemplating about our marriage the past weeks and I am just so glad we have the time for ourselves following some chronic busyness back home. And so tonight, I’m writing this on a very cold evening on a cross country backdrop with a congested ear slowly cracking to pop. My wife’s asleep with a double fleece blanket that’s serving her well.
True to everyone, our marriage isn’t a bliss. But I am glad I share this married life with someone who is equally committed to keeping a warm and fruitful marriage as I am. There isn’t a phone app that downloads husbandhood to anyone. Marriage is hardwork. And two pairs of hands working on it are better than one. I want to thank and honor my wife, Rianne for the love and sacrifice, for working hard for our marriage. It isn’t pure pleasure sharing a home with me, so I thank God for her audacity.
I did my first wedding last month and I made it clear to the couple that outserving one another can be a key in enjoying married life. My wife and I have been practicing it, and it (outserving/selflessness) works everytime! R. Zacharias even suggests that you have to be willing to “die” to yourself if you really want to get married. That equates to your willingness to die to your own convenience, interests, hobbies, pet peeves, traditions, routines, sleep, and even your favorite food. I’m blessed that this is a non issue in our home. And I believe this is birthed out of love for one another. Sometimes my wife serves to the extent of becoming a little “gentlemanish” towards me–securing my seat, carrying my stuffs, among others. It’s a little embarassing but I thank her for making me feel like a king.
I also love her heart of compassion. When we were dating, I learned that she always prays her favorite line from her favorite song that says, “break my heart with what breaks Yours”. That has been an everyday prayer. Thus, chances are, if you are poor, unheralded, and untapped, you do not miss the peripherals of Rianne. You are a topic for prayer over dinner.
And oh, if you see us driving around at 2am, it’s because we are extending the kindness to some of our four legged stray friends.
One thing marriage does to you is that it exposes you. And because of a compassionate heart that always chooses mercy and forgiveness, I’m just so glad that I’m loved just the way I was loved on our wedding day albeit my flaws.
That kindness of heart expresses itself in the most genuine love for people that I’ve ever seen. Sometimes I don’t mind being rude. I just have to cut short her long talks with people. That “long talk” actaully is usually just a 16th of a fraction only and the rest of the portion is all listening. She can listen to someone uninterrupted for hours. I.just.can’t.do.that. But that’s something I appreciate about her.
My wife is like a tender shoot. Through the years, her soft heart has allowed her to have an undescribable depth in her relationship with God. Her intimacy with the Lord allowed her to be still in troubling times. She can not hold up a life that displeases God. I deem it very important because that is humility, and humility extinguishes familiarity with God. And it allows her to lovingly obey the Lord, whatever it takes.
Four years into our marriage and it seems like we just exchanged vows yesterday. My wife is my darling. I miss her the moment I drive off our gates and I giddy-yup at the thought of going home. She is my best friend. I love picking any stories to start conversations with her. She is a companion and a partner, a woman I’d love to love again and again.
I remember the time when I stood nervously on the altar saying my vows. I have no idea what things are going to be like in the next years or decades. But the way I know my wife now, I’m confident that even if we meet a convergence of storms, we can count on what the Bible assures that we can be perplexed, but not in despair, persecuted, but not forsaken, and cast down, but not destroyed.
Let me share with you why I’m so excited for our fourth year.
Four is the number of creation. In the Bible, before the first ever nostril breathed its very first breath, all the “necessities” were already created in four days time. Everything necessary to sustain life have already proliferated before God created the animals and Adam. Adam didn’t have to contend with a DPWH concreting project or an untrimmed garden or a sea foaming up no waves. Things were readied in four days.
Four years of being married is like us learning the ropes. There’s been funny times of misadventures and mistakes. At times, it wasn’t funny any more. But our four years are like years of preparation for us individually and as a couple. This gives me the sense of excitement because I know the next coming years may not come in full bliss, but I know they are going to be times of receiving unmerited favor simply because God has already prepared things for us.
To the woman I took home as my bride four years ago, I love you now and forevermore, Mine!